This is part one in Going with the Flow blog series where I explain my transformation from self-hate to self-love and begin the healing PTSD
We Can’t Help But Breathe
Life is a rush of emotion and energy thrusting us ever forward. If we try to resist it we become entangled in the fray of anxiety. Instead, turn away from it and go with the flow. That might be the most pragmatic explanation of the forces that be.
I often find myself in the fray of life, fighting off pessimistic ideation constantly. Every time I try to take the reins I feel like I lose more control. I end up in a situation where I am minimally useful and barely functional. With medication at maximums and tolerances and peaks, something had to give. It wasn’t going to be me.
The Tipping Point
First and foremost I needed to step aside from my own thoughts for a moment so I could process them. This was not an easy task. I couldn’t even broach this task without help from Topamax, Cymbalta, and Wellbutrin. The chemical balance in my brain had prevented me from methodical planning. Now I could.
If I was going to ‘go with the flow’ per se, then I would need to shift my way of thinking drastically. My outlook on life is extremely apathetic when it comes to my own wellbeing. That would need to change. Valuing one’s self is intrinsic in valuing your work and its imperfections.
How do you go from letting the river drown you to riding the wave? Be kind to yourself. Take the outward kindness and project it inwards. Accept challenges with resilience and patience; Not haste and anxious anger. Don’t allow small issues to brew into paranoid anger.
I feel like I just listed a small bible of things to live by. Great! Now I can stress myself out more by trying to live by a code I made up. Just kidding. These are all things I tell other people to not let themselves trip up. I also trip upon them. We are human. We are imperfect. Allowing mistakes is part of saying, “Hey! I’m me! A unique person.” Love you!
The most important thing to take away from this is to be kind to one’s self. It all starts there. If you can be kind to yourself you are at baseline. You are ready to ride the wave. You may not like what is coming, but you are emotionally prepped for what is ahead opposed to blindsided.